Thursday, August 26, 2010

step away from the red and no-one will get hurt...

I went shopping this week, which in itself is quite something because I hate shopping. Despite the fact that this might make me a bit manly, I did find some cute dresses for little girls. It could have been my need for variety – because I have sons and all – but I was excited enough to mentally to through my list of deserving-little-girls to see who’d get one.

Then I remembered. Little girls have a more of a porno-slash-kitsch attitude to clothes. They wouldn’t be caught dead in the black and white gingham that I was all worked up about. Generally, there are clothes that parents would like kids to be wearing ... and then there’s all the other clothes ...

I think I’ll start with colours, namely pastels. I’m not even sure adults should wear pastels. Unless that is, you’re trying to pull a sickie and hope to get sent home from work because you’re looking a bit wan. You know, like wan of the sick wans.   Maybe babygro designers hope that vomit is somewhat camouflaged against pastels, but truth be told, the sour smell gives it away.

Let's not forget the proverbial navy, green and khaki - a riveting choice - for little boys.  Because like, they’re NEVER going to have to wear those colours once they’re grown men. Couple that with some very fetching prints of super-friendly looking wrestlers (the type you really want to take home to mum and dad), these tees are real style-makers. No really, I don’t know about you, but I would LOVE to have a picture of an earring-wearing wrestler (whose expression looks like he’s suffering from bad constipation) on my t-shirt. I can only imagine this started of as a bad joke.  Hideous, is the first word that comes to mind.  Followed swiftly by hideous again.

I don’t even think we need to discuss those “people-branding” kind of prints.  For sure, Barbie, Hannah Montana, Ben Ten and the Jonas Brothers have their place in the world.  But it’s not on t-shirts, nighties or god forbid, dresses.  They shouldn’t even be on mugs or satchels. I might settle for them on the cover of a school file.

This entry would not be complete without mentioning pink. Pinkness is a big concern to me. Not because it’s pink, but because there’s SO DANG MUCH of it around. Seriously. I have noticed that unless it is pink, preferably with Liberace-type bling and made out of what I can only assume is slimy fabric from the future, little girls will simply not wear it.  Also, the fact that girls only give attention to pink things is bad news for things like stop signs, which once they have their drivers license will be ignored, just for being red. It seems that unless given round Yuletide, don’t bother with giving a cute red outfit. I’ll just be put in the “re-gift” drawer. It’s enough to make you want an emo-kid, honestly. Just for the variety.

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