Friday, August 6, 2010

an Ode to Shorties...

To get me into a positive mind-frame (it being school holidays and all) I wanted to find a way to talk about some of the wacky stuff kids have come up with that make me laugh. I really didn’t want to stray too far from my normal hardcore profile and sound all sweetie-pie and gushy, so I’ve put it into very lame prose instead.  (Just be grateful I didn’t choose limerick style.  It seems you can’t make up a limerick that has no swearing and that isn’t rude! Well, I sure as hell couldn’t come up with any!) I even wrote it without whiskey in hand.  Such progress.
This Ode is to shorties to show that although
I whinge and I moan and I treat them as foe
I think they’re quite cool - they’re honest and funny
And can still make me smile as they milk me for money
Only shorties can ask, without fear of scorn
When a paunchy man’s baby is due to be born
They think blind dates are for people who’re blind
A bonus if you’re ugly, as your date won’t mind
They see the upside of things that are normally glum
Like wheelchairs and crutches and a big wobbly bum 
Everyday I’m in awe of how they never get tired 
Of fish fingers and noodles - how the hell are they wired?  
They think Spinach is the language spoken in Spain
And when you let them have coke, you’d swear its cocaine
I overheard that the Ironman is an actual competition
For men who have a fierce ironing ambition
Repeat DVD’s are no worry for them
As junior Alzheimer’s is cured by age ten 
They think I’m a teen coz I cycle and run
Clearly they think oldies can’t get this done
I was asked if the golf ball or club travels faster
Will Google be able to give me the answer?
Smart little buggers, they know I don’t know
They’re just trying to tell me they know that I’m slow
Even when they say “you can’t come to my party”
Ten seconds later they’ll still give you a Smartie
And though I know they’re naughty and full of kak*
I still think that mostly, kids really rock
P.S.  Theses are real things that have really been said. I shit you not, true story. From the mouth of babes…
* kak... afrikaans word for nonsense

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