Wow, such a myriad of blogging topics this week to decide on. I could tell you about the article I read which was headed “Planking fad won’t last” (nooooo, who would have said?) Or, I could go on about the sure evidence (poop, gnawed on hanky, more poop) that we found regarding the invasion of mice in our house (apologies to my niece who was sure she heard scuttling – I didn’t mean to not believe you.)
I also considered the topic of how our washing machine became a fireworks display, forcing us to purchase a new one. The new washing machine came with an instruction pamphlet, which said under DRY: “When you are not remove a loaf (surely not? a loaf?) of clothes from the dryer as soon as it stops, wrinkles (on me?) can form”. I dearly, dearly hope that this is a bad typo because I can’t afford any more unwanted wrinkles. Perhaps they meant the clothes.
However, the winning topic this week just had to be TA DAAAA… light fittings. Because we all know how very exciting light fittings are.
There comes a time in every renovators life when you are called upon to choose light fittings. It’s like a calling from Satan. Warning: Do NOT take any kids with you to make your selection. They will deliberately try and break things just to hurry you out of the shop. This is almost kind of them - in a twisted, expensive way - when you consider the fittings that you have to choose from.
When I was still in the fabric industry (they are called fabrics, dahlink, materials are something you build with) we were coached on a particular saying - incase we thought our clients didn’t like our new range. We had to tell these offending clients that “there are some people who just don’t UNDERSTAND our range.” (In other words …“you are a total peasant if you think our new range sucks.)
Lighting sales people do not have the gaul to have such a cheeky saying, because no one understands their fittings. They should hand you a pamphlet titled “To Zeff or not To Zeff” to help you make your selection – just so you can be sure what kind of zeffness you are.
To make matters worse, our house is a complete mixture of styles. Part country, part contemporary, part pirate-ship messy (a far cry from the Caribbean ship-lap style I’d hoped for - not to mention the Caribbean lifestyle). Artsy people call it eclectic, which is a fancy way of saying we couldn’t stick to a theme.
So whereas our country, slanted ceilings call for farmhouse chandeliers, the contemporary lowness of the ceilings means that chandeliers are a no go – especially if you for instance value your head. I’m kind of relieved actually, because if we could make it country, Best Kisser might insist on a wagon wheel table and one of those antler chandeliers (they really exist, trust me). Sorry, but we all know that straight men are big on cowboy-type décor. And things with blue in them.
So basically, my question this week is who exactly, buys those seriously shiny light fittings with loads of bling on them? I mean I get the whole “ it looks great when the lights are turned on thing” but I’m struggling to UNDERSTAND those kind of fittings. I can’t picture the kind of home that would match all that chrome and diamante trim. Could Russians own it? Or perhaps it’s made for a specific kind of entertainment?
And BTW, I’ll only know in 10 years time whether the ones we chose are classic or zeff. Damn.
(p.s. I had to post proof... See, they do exist)