Friday, October 1, 2010

doesn't taste like chicken...

We went camping this past weekend.  Normally, coming from me, that would be enough said. But camping is a can of worms for another day.  One of the shorties that came on the trip was sick.  He announced it quite loudly when he arrived so I made my kids eat two oranges in quick succession to be on the safe side.  I also threatened them with a fierce lashing if they shared the sick shortie’s bowl, glass or general breathing space. My oldest son got the rotor virus on our first camping trip (who takes a one year old camping? Duh!) and it kind of tainted the whole outdoorsy experience for me.  Again I digress; this is about kids and medicine.

Why do kids need drugs in the first place? Because they get sick. If ever there was a mammoth design flaw, it would be that kids have to get sick at all. Until you’re old enough to read a novel, watch 5 DVD’s back to back and - dare I say - embrace drugs wholeheartedly, you shouldn’t get sick. It should just be a universal truth. Like you can’t get knocked up before puberty.  You know, that kind of a rule.

I feel there’s a big market out there for something like fake medicine for kids.  Something that tastes sort of like medicine, but much, much nicer. The rationale behind my thinking is that by the time the little blighters actually fall ill, taking medicine is old hat. 

The main thing about kid’s medicine is the taste. It seems to be impossibly tricky to make medicine that doesn’t taste like toilet cleaner. Said sick camper confirmed this. He wouldn’t even touch the stuff he normally likes, never mind wolf down the chalky, banana flavoured anti-biotics his poor mother was trying to administer. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure bananas should be banana flavoured. And as for the whole chalky consistency… not really one of the winning textures for oral consumption. Apropos antibiotics, I’ve had a strong feeling for quite some time that they should be made in suppository form. Now that would be a solution. Psst, slip ‘em one while they’re sleeping.  In fact ALL kid’s medicine should be in suppository form. 
As for Buscopan, supposedly for stomach cramps, I have a theory. It tastes so vile that it makes you puke your guts out, so the cramps go away. It’s a no gut no cramp theory. I just know it’s manufactured in Lucifer’s Laboratory and the year it was invented it won the “Most Disgusting Medicine Award”. How they expect anyone to get that stuff down, let alone keep it down, I have no idea. 

And lastly, a word of warning; whatever you do, don’t try Omega 3 in syrup form. It seems like a cunningly good idea but know that it tastes like you’ve’ given a dodgy salmon a blowjob. 

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